Life is surreal. People have told me that visiting a foreign country is surreal. I wonder what that would be like if your own immediate home feels surreal. I think it is sad. I think my life is sad. It is a sad thing that once people reach this stage in life, you either have a grip on your future or you don't. You are either set or you aren't. I know the words I am writing here are only my thoughts etched into a digital database, but ffs, I post here so people can read it. But it is entirely up to you whether you read this or not. If I end up talking to myself all the time, then so be it. That's just how it was meant to be and I'll be content with that.
I know that people don't often read things to the very end. I don't always do that either but I've learned that in many cases, the ending of things is the best part. This entry is mostly rhetorical so if you find any of this offensive, then...just don't.
Anyways, it has been a reoccuring question to me...what am I doing? Everything. Life is in bad shape for me and I don't know how to fix it. I'm not the only one that feels this way about their own life and I know that many of you that are reading this are able to relate. It is a truly terrible feeling to be almost ready to move on in life and have close to no idea what you are planning on doing. My question to you, the reader, is whether you find that in any way, a deterrance to my existence?
Arrogance.
The heart of my problem lies with motivation. My motivation's a vehicle and I'm running on empty, but that is okay. I was running on 89 until then when I need 91 to operate correctly.
I know that I'm missing motivation. That's completely obvious. I have stated it countless times to many of you. As far as school goes, I have no real reason to go right now. I'm just going to go just in case something comes along later. I am not enjoying this at all. School is more depressing than it is enlightening and every day feels the same. Every day seems to just drag on and I'm supposed to just go along with it.
I'm just missing motivation. But this is complicated. It will take a lot of effort to bring it back. I'm tossing dice and if this doesn't work, then I'm out of options. This sucks.
3 comments:
i completely agree. friggin u dont even know. or maybe u do.
you seem depressed. im worried. :/
is that why you and i havent been talking like we usually do? or is that a different case? hm. like you said, i can relate. i do feel that school is just a waste of time at the moment and i just want to do something else before reality really takes over my life with all those unpleasant things.
oh darin. i think you're having more fun than i am though. at least you see your friends everyday. v___v i only see aquaintances. my friends are just spread out there.
i miss you buddy.
jasz.
use a journal, that way your blogs wont dissappear when the server crashes, then BOOM!... lol...
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